Strong… stubborn… independent. Since high school my family, specifically my mom, has attached those adjectives to me. I internalized this and prided myself on being mentally, emotionally, and financially independent from anything. I have successfully cut off a lot of my emotions towards my family, but that just transferred over to my dependence on men. Since the age of 16 I’ve had a man in my life, and have been heavily dependent. While I don’t feel like I am, and others from the outside would never guess it, it is very apparent to me that at every second I need someone there for me, someone who makes me their priority. This isn’t new, I knew this for about a year now after seeing my past year performance, but what I HAVE realized is that the one person that I dubbed as being too dependent and the anti-thesis to myself actually embodies what I promote; my mother. Granted, prior to the divorce it was a mess, she didn’t have her finances in order, didn’t have a track for her life, nothing. But that was simply because she was completely invested in my brother and myself- her future was our future, simple. When the drama happened with my dad, my mom broke cultural barriers and went along with a divorce, which wasn’t emotionally, financially, and socially easy at all. And now… she lives on her own, works for herself, has no one else in Dallas other than the friends she individually makes… and has no man in her life. She is completely and utterly independent. Granted she hit that at the not-so-ripe age of 53, but that it makes it even more inspiring… having everything and then losing it is much more of a feat then never having it all and being content.
